In my last post, I talked about gifts that we give can share with others, the things that make us unique. Today I’m talking about something that many of us have difficulty with: self-love.
There is a saying that you cannot love another person without loving yourself first. But I am capable of loving others, I know that. I have wonderful loving relationships with relatives and friends. And I genuinely feel a deep love for my boyfriend.
When it comes to loving myself, that is another story. Right now, I am constantly criticizing myself for what I consider my faults: indecisiveness, procrastination, making choices and later regretting them, and battling bouts of severe depression and anxiety which prevent me from doing so many things.
My thinking patterns have been chaotic of late and trying to move ahead with this blog has been rough. I have fears of rejection and fears of success created by issues of low self-esteem from childhood that I am still working through. As a result, I have been writing posts but not sharing them. Well, more like not finishing them because I get distracted so often.
I have had things happen in the last year that has set me back further than I ever expected. I thought by now I would be making progress but I feel like a turtle in a world of rapidly moving digitally-oriented people who thrive on the constant changes of the age.
I grew up in an age prior to the World Wide Web, though I have been using Macs as a graphic designer since the early days of Apple and Photoshop. Back then, when I made a change in Photoshop, I would have to wait a while for it to finish processing on the screen. I could go get a coffee and when I came back, the spinning ball of death had stopped. Or at least I hoped. Boredom drove me crazy back them.
Now everything is instantaneous. There is no time for boredom. It’s nice but it reminds me of how fast time goes by and how much I still have to do.
Our lives are to teach us how to love. We create stories and judgments in our heads of how we think life should be and that does not serve us at all.
I am doing my best to let go of my self-criticisms and it is an ongoing process.
We can be so hard on ourselves, yet we can be more accepting when we see the same behaviors in others.
I have to comfort my little inner child many times a day that everything is alright. I often put my hands on my heart and tell that little one inside who is scared and frightened that she is safe and loved.
If you are going through a rough patch now and dealing with issues of self-love, you are not alone.
Place your hands over your heart and feel it beating. Breathe deeply and picture a golden light within your heart. Continue breathing deeply and feel the light expand outward. Feel its warmth.
That feeling is the love that is you.
Always,
Alice Always