Tag: back in the day

My Spiritual Awakening: It All Started With A Mouse

Back in May 1991, I went on vacation with my sister and a friend. My sister had just received her master’s degree and wanted to celebrate by going to someplace special. So we went to what some consider the most magical place in the world: Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

I had been there twice before the trip, so I knew how wonderful it could be. This time was no different and every moment of the vacation was fun, even when it rained. On a rainy afternoon, we saw many people wearing slick plastic ponchos with a Disney emblem on them. One of us (quite possibly me because I have a propensity for naming things) made up the term “Poncho Villa people”. You have to understand those transparent rain ponchos were a new concept back then and to us, they looked incredibly silly as a cultural phenomenon. We did not become assimilated into their cult and did our best to navigate umbrella-less throughout the Land of Mickey.

I have to pause from my story and say that I love Mickey Mouse, I have my entire life. One of my favorite t-shirts is an all-over print of various Mickey Mouse heads that I bought on this particular trip. At times, I call my boyfriend “Mickey” and sometimes sing parts of the catchy Toni Basil song Hey Mickey to him.

We stayed at the Caribbean Beach Resort, which is on the grounds of Walt Disney World so that we could go to all the theme parks by boat, shuttle or monorail, and never-ever step one foot off of Disney property. I feel that staying within the complex is the most magical way to visit this enchanted realm. When I’m there, I never want to leave. If you feel the same way about any Disney park, it’s partly because of the pixie dust that Tinker Bell and her friends sprinkle on you when you’re not looking.

On the last day of our trip, we checked out of the hotel and had several hours to spend until our afternoon flight. We found some lounge chairs along the beach and I quickly fell asleep.

I don’t know how much time had passed when a voice woke me up with the words: Write the book. Write the book that you always came here to write.

My epiphany was part of my spiritual awakening, A voice that didn’t sound like my own thoughts, was telling me something that was in my own heart. (Read more about my ideas of spiritual awakening here.)

I got home and started writing a fantasy novel. I adored the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien and always thought that I would write something along the sword and sorcery vein. The date was May 23rd; I remember it because it was my friend’s birthday.

Over time, the book I wrote morphed into another one and I sent the manuscripts off to publishers. They were rejected each time. Because I was one of those people who could not handle rejection well, years passed in between submissions to publishers. At one point, I stopped submitting altogether.

Meanwhile, I started writing the third book in the trilogy, completing several chapters and the ending. Most of the middle is not yet written, though the final chapter is. And that is the important part because it ends on a high note.

Writing a novel is a journey in itself. For me, it was an exploration of my own psyche, a map of my subconsciousness that took me years to understand. My fantasy novels are not structured writings with carefully outlined details but rather an unfolding of the story that occurs only when I’m ready. My books write themselves, or rather, they write me, revealing wisdom that I had forgotten. I had many serendipitous moments when I stumbled across another author’s work whose use of magic resembled my own. Perhaps we are all drawing from the same well.

23 years after my magical nap, it is May 2014 and I go on a trip with my boyfriend to celebrate his birthday. Just as Walt Disney World is my special place, the mountains are his, so we went to the Rockies.

It was there that I began to awaken to the realization that the book that I was meant to write wasn’t just another fantasy novel.

The puzzle pieces that had been scattered throughout my life began to fit together. I have always been fascinated with Alice in Wonderland, especially Disney’s cartoon movie. I love the 2010 version with Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, who also plays Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Do you know what my favorite ride is at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom? Yep! You guessed it! Pirates of the Caribbean.

In college in the 80’s, I did a pointillism project for an Illustration class. It was a picture of Alice falling down a rabbit hole and it took me over 40 hours to complete. (I will share that another time.)

In the 90’s, I had a shaman call me Alice and took me on a journey of shapeshifting. I also trained in shamanism and began the healing of my inner child, the Alice within me.

For many years, my boyfriend has owned a white rabbit statue. As a Christmas present in 2009, he gave me a drawing of a rabbit that he had created. Another time, he gave me a rabbit statue. I never told him of my Alice fascination but seeing each one leads me deeper down the rabbit hole of my own imagination.

I credit Walt Disney for waking me up. As I awaken to remembering more parts of my cosmic puzzle-self, I am seeing with renewed clarity how everything is connected through consciousness As I expand in my awareness, insights come to me which feel that they were always there. I just never looked at them.

It’s all about perception. While you may not share my love of the magic of Walt Disney,  you may have a curiouser idea that you don’t share with others because of an underlying fear, like rejection. Or you do share it and people act like you are entirely bonkers.

I’m completely bonkers and I’m happy to admit it.
I have ideas that are out of this world.
Maybe you do too.

My last post was about waking up as a Jedi. As audacious and maybe even childish as it sounds, I’ve always felt that I am a Jedi Knight ever since seeing the first Star Wars movie in a theatre in 1977. Now that Star Wars is part of Disney, it confirms my long-held belief that George Lucas didn’t invent Star Wars, he was merely awakening us to the wonders of the Force that we had forgotten.

It is my hope to someday contribute to Disney in a creative manner. All possibilities exist in multidimensionality, so that might still happen in this Universe.

I am certain that humanity will eventually see how multi-faceted, interconnected, and real the world of imagination actually is.

I believe that voice that woke me up in 1991 was Walt Disney. And just as he said, it all started with a mouse.

Always,
Alice Always

P.S. I would like to hear about your personal experience with spiritual awakening or your curiouser beliefs. Please share in the comments.

Illuminating the Dark Night of the Soul

“Dark Night of the Soul”, otherwise known as “Dark Night” is a poem written by the 16th Century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross. He writes of the journey of the soul from isolation to its union with God. The journey itself is “The Dark Night”, darkness representing the difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world before reaching the light. Once the soul touches the light, union with the divine takes place and the person is transformed.

Loreena McKennitt has a beautiful rendition of it in song. You can watch her  here.

A dark night of the soul has come to mean a spiritual crisis when life has lost its meaning and the person has sunk into depression and despair.

Some people experience many dark nights of the soul while others may have a prolonged one lasting many years.

I myself have had many dark nights starting at age 13. Puberty is a difficult time for most of us. In my case, my friends had drifted away and gravitated to new groups. I was alone, desperately alone.

Making new friends was difficult because I was an extreme introvert. I didn’t know what to say because I never could do the whole chit-chat thing. I still can’t. It is simply not part of my personality. Deep conversations interest me more.

Back in the summer when I was 13, I was lonely for companionship. My depression had reached the point where the only thing I could think of was suicide to end the misery.

My only solace was Led Zeppelin‘s Physical Graffiti double album which I had received as a present for my birthday. I had asked for the album that had Stairway to Heaven on it but it was April 1975 and Physical Graffiti had just come out 2 months before. That was the only Zeppelin album in stock at the local department store.

Back in the pre-internet age, information like names of albums and where you could purchase them was not readily available for a young teenager.

If you grew up with the internet, you might not be able to fathom not having all the information you need at your fingertips. But back then, the main use for your forefinger was to dial the phone. It was actually fun to leave your finger in the cutout circle of the dial and let it move back on the return rewind. At least I enjoyed it. But now, having arthritic fingers, I am grateful for technology.

This was also the time before the popularity of antidepressants when depression was not talked about. When I finally told my mom that I was suffering from it in 1989, her response was to deny there was anything wrong with me. The stigma of depression was still strong, even with the introduction of the drug Prozac.

Back to Physical Graffiti, it literally saved my life. The song Kashmir stirred forgotten memories of sitting with elders of a gentle race, which in my imagination actually happened.

10 Years Gone reminded me that “We are eagles of one nest, the nest is in our soul.”

But it was In the Light that saved me. I would listen to it repeatedly under headphones on my older brother’s stereo.

To me, the beginning of In the Light feels what a sunrise would sound like. It gave me hope. The ending is pure exhilaration.

One of the lyrics puzzled me. What I thought I heard was: I would share your love. What Robert Plant actually sang was: I would share your load. It makes quite a difference.

One of the lyrics that I really identified with is:

And if you feel that you can’t go on
And your will’s sinkin’ low
Just believe and you can’t go wrong
In the light, you will find the road (You will find the road)

I would close my eyes and envisioned I was standing in the light. It felt uplifting on one level. On another, felt I was connecting to something more. Something I could not grasp, a notion that felt just out of reach.

I realize now that listening to the song back then was an integral part of the larger story of my life. That getting through that difficult time enabled me to write about it and share it with you now.

There is a deeper, more mystical revelation that came out of this. I will go into further detail at another time.

The road in the song reminded me of J.R.R. Tolkien. If you haven’t read them yet, I wrote a few posts about him here and here. There is more forthcoming also.

Many of Led Zeppelin’s lyrics contain Tolkien references. The author has several passages in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings that feature the Road. Here is one:

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

I read that verse often, thinking that I needed to hold on and continue down that road not knowing where it would go, but perhaps somewhere where I needed to be.

Are you suffering from the Dark Night of the Soul right now? If so, you can get through it. You must believe that you can and you will. You will find the road.

It needn’t be through Tolkien or Led Zeppelin but what calls out to your soul.

Music heals. Stories help us to see ourselves in them.

Listen. Read. Sing. Dance.
Go out in nature.
Play.

Do something that you love,
something that uplifts your soul
and connects you with the divine within you.

Lighten the load of depression and despair. Find the way that lightens yours. As Robert Plant sang: Everybody needs the light.

You will get through it. You must have the determination and resolve to do so. Believe that you can and you will.

Often in the spiritual awakening process, a dark night of the soul precedes a breakthrough. Remember, the night is darkest just before the dawn.

Always,
Alice Always

P.S. This blog post features Invictus, an empowering poem that might help you through the Dark Night of the Soul.

Diary of an Elf – Reading the Books of J.R.R. Tolkien

Diary of an Elf is a reoccurring feature here on AliceAlways.com. Alice shares her story as her elf-self.

Since I knew that I might be in the closet of Elf Cabin Number 9 indefinitely, I looked around for ways to entertain myself. On a shelf high above my head, I found my personal Holy Grail: the fantasy novels of J.R.R. Tolkien.

The Hobbit

We call him Master Tolkien, as he is known here to us elves at the North Pole. His writings inspire us greatly. They remind us that in our imaginations, we are not just short peeps with generally pleasant dispositions, but also tall, fierce warrior types as depicted in The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

As I said before, in your imagination, you can be whatever magical being you choose to be.

In the closet, I moved the rolling shelf ladder along the wall to the place where I could climb it and get the books. When I got to the top, I grabbed them. The books felt like magic in my hands.

My memory flew back many years to the first time that I held The Hobbit in my hands.

It happened in September 1973. I was 11 years old in the 6th grade and picked to be in a special reading group of students. Back in the day, teachers had to order books and wait weeks for their arrival to come in a big cardboard box.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Mrs. B had gathered us around the box and was handing out the paperbacks. On the cover was a top white area with the title, subhead, and the author’s name. Under that was an illustration of peeps (my word for people) riding on barrels down a winding river with trees on the riverbank.

Before she handed us our books, Mrs. B told us that this was an extraordinary book and that it came to us in a momentous time. The author had just passed away, she said and so reading it now would be extra special.

Wow, I thought, really not understanding the specialness on a conscious level. I knew somehow deep inside myself that this author J.R.R. Tolkien and I were connected.

After I was given the book, I turned it over to see a picture of the author, a profile image of a smiling grey-haired gentleman holding a pipe. An old building was in the background.

I opened the book and smelled it. I fell in love with the scent of words on paper. If you have never smelled a freshly printed book, you might want to try it. It is like nothing else in this world.

Throughout the school year, we read The Hobbit and the three The Lord of the Rings books in class.

I was thoroughly enchanted by Tolkien’s world of Middle Earth. I would think about it all the time. In my imagination, I envisioned myself as several of the characters.

I was a full-blown geek. I still am. I embrace my geekiness wholeheartedly.

After school had ended, I spent the summer rereading the trilogy. Then I started looking for more information about Tolkien and his work.

Back in the early seventies, resources for a preteen were far and in between.

At some point, I came across a writing of Tolkien’s in which he said wrote that he never felt that he had created Middle Earth, he was merely recording the events as they were happening somewhere else.

When I read that, I knew that to be true deep down in my soul. I also knew I had to do something in regards to this. I didn’t know what.

Now I do.

To be continued…

Always,
Alice Always the Elf

P.S. Make sure you bookmark AliceAlways or subscribe to find out what happens next.

My Illuminating Rainbow Led Zeppelin Sungazing Meditation

I’m a sungazer, and as such, I meditate with the sun at the dawn on sunny mornings.

The title of my last blog post was Eleven Illuminating Insights about Illumination.

Because I was bubbling with silliness, I decided to use that phrase as a mantra in my morning sungazing meditation on the second day of the New Year. Knowing that we were still in the midst of full moon energy, I knew it would be extremely powerful.

Every sungazing session is different as each day different energies are present on all levels. More on energetic influences and levels another time.

Sungazing is an intuitive practice for me, so I don’t prescribe any formal techniques. As I said in a previous post, sungazing is dangerous, so, if you are thinking of doing it, read my post about it and do diligent research before attempting it.

As I repeated the magic phrase that pays, eleven illuminating insights about illumination, I saw the sun with two large number ones in the center forming a gateway. In my mind’s eye, I felt myself pass through this gateway and into the sun.

My seven chakras were lit up with the energetic colors they represent: red base to violet crown.  A curved rainbow ran through my body and into the ground behind me and connected me to the sun in front of me.

My Faerie feet lifted. I call them that because they remind me of Irish dancing and my maternal Celtic ancestry. You have Faerie feet if you walk or stand naturally on the tips of your toes. I’ve been doing that since I learned to walk. Maybe children outgrow it; I didn’t. I even got teased in sixth grade for walking on my tippy-toes.

Back to the meditation. I saw the chakra rainbow as a flattened lp album and I was part of it. Now, if I get to choose which album it is (which I do because I’m writing this) it would be the second record of Led Zeppelin‘s Physical Graffiti double album because I used to play the first track of side 3, In the Light, repeatedly over and over when I was 13. More on that another time.

Oh, my! So much to write. Sorry about the tangent. Back to the subject at hand.

In my meditation, I saw the Green Fire.

I have never heard talk of the Green Fire and I will not even do a Google search until after I complete this. I don’t want my awareness to be colored. Yes, pun intended, so make sure that you do that ba-dum-bum-tss drum sound in your head.

The green fire in my vision is the energy burning through my own heart. Green is the color of the heart chakra, the color we associate with the Earth, just as blue is to the sky.

My internal programming is high visionary functioning. I think I just made that phrase up but that’s how I would describe it. I have what others call mystical experiences on a regular basis when I am connected with my Source.

When I am in disconnect, I fall into depression. That might be the same for you. Your disconnect may be anger. Or greed. Or hatred. You can pick your own deadly sin or add a new one to the list.

Whenever you, me, or anyone else is out of harmony with our true selves, we react instead of responding rationally to any situation.

We go into the darkness that is our shadow. I’ll write on this topic another time.

Anyway, back to my vision in my morning sungazing meditation.

The green fire separated into as ones and zeros. I went into the Matrix, the binary code that runs computers.

I saw the Matrix completely for what it is, an elaborate program, that was created to connect our disconnect. It’s also its opposite: a system that sucks us into it and disconnects us from our true Source, which is within.

When we were ready for this insight, it became available to us.

It’s part of our collective imagination. I thought I made that term up but it’s an actual documented term.

This is what we create collectively. It’s been going on since our arrival on this planet.

Wait! Did I just say arrival? Did I mean to say that, you think?

Anyway, there’s more to the Matrix thing and collective imagination and I’ll write about them at other times.

In my vision, I left the Matrix and ended up back in my own heart.

In the Light played as music in my head. I felt peaceful.

After a while, I spontaneously started repeating the phrase: I Am the Light, the Light I Am. I learned this mantra from Matt Kahn, a spiritual teacher whose wisdom corresponds to my inner knowing. His talks are filled with humor and insight.

Because my mind is so enmeshed with the Led Zeppelin song, it was a natural progression from that to repeating I Am the Light, the Light I Am.

The meditation ended with my hands on my heart and a feeling of being pure light.

Always,
Alice Always

R U Awake or in Living in The Matrix?

Today, I can’t seem to get the red pill/blue pill scene from The Matrix out of my head. When an idea “pops” in your head and keeps coming back, it might be trying to tell you something.

It’s time for me to look further into it, which is about reality.

In the scene, Morpheus offers Neo a choice between the Blue Pill and the Red Pill. If Neo takes the blue, he continues to live in a computer-generated world. If he takes the red, he will enter the real world so that he can escape from the Matrix.

There are many levels of meaning in just the colors of the pills alone.

Blue is a cool color, representing peace and serenity. It is the color of the sky, which reflects our perception of water, even though water itself is clear.

Red is a warm color, representing the heat of passion, both love and anger. It is the color of fire, which warms as well as burns.

Blue has always been my favorite color. If I was given the choice of pills without knowing what either did, I would have chosen the Blue Pill.

Out of favorite colors, blue is the most popular in the world. Here in the USA, red lags behind green and purple.

You have to consider that some things are just not appealing so maybe I wouldn’t take the blue pill because it’s plain odd. For me, blue Gatorade is just the most curious beverage and even if it is the best flavor in the world, I might not like it. So I never tried it.

Here in the United States, we have started coloring the states with two colors instead of using other colors in the crayon box.

I remember coloring a map of the USA back in 4th grade for a class contest. I was excited to beautify my mimeographed copy of America. I wanted to use as many colors as possible from my box of 64 Crayola crayons (with the sharpener on the box). A highlight of my school memories was getting a copy fresh from the mimeograph machine, with its fresh smell and crisp purple lines.

Red and blue mixed together make purple. In terms of color, we are a purple nation. I’II think I’ll skip the Pharmaceuticals of the Matrix and take the purple crayon.

I like coloring, No, I love it. I wish I had time to color but lately, the time has been speeding by. Maybe you noticed it also?

Today is 12/21, so I made the graphic with the time of 12:21.

Here is information about 1221 from Joanne Walmsley’s Sacred Scribes Angel Numbers blog:

Number 1221 is a combination of the influences of number 1 (appearing twice, amplifying its influences) and the vibrations of number 2 (also appearing twice, magnifying its attributes and resonating with the Master Number 22).  Number 1 brings its energies of creation and new beginnings, progress and motivation, striving forward, inspiration and initiative, achieving success, fulfilment and happiness.  Number 1 also reminds you that you create your own experiences and realities with your beliefs, thoughts and actions.  Number 2 brings its attributes of balance and harmony, partnerships and relationships, adaptability, diplomacy and co-operation, encouragement, duality, faith and trust and serving your Divine life purpose and soul mission.  Number 2 appears twice, relating it to the Master Number 22 (Master Builder) –  the number of philanthropy and service to humanity. Number 22 is the number of Archangel Raphael and resonates with vision, practicality and common sense.

The repeating Angel Number 1221 reminds you to be grateful for all the blessings in your life, and for those yet to come.  When you express an ‘attitude of gratitude’ you manifest even more blessings.  Your angels ask you to follow your Divine life path with passion and purpose.

Angel Number 1221 tells you that your reality is what you make it.

So which pill would you take? You don’t really have to take either.

Just keep reading my blog and you may eventually wake up in Wonderland.

Always,
Alice Always

 

All the World’s Indeed a Stage and We are Merely Players

All the world’s indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another’s audience
Outside the gilded cage

Those are lyrics from the song “Limelight” by the Canadian rock band, Rush. This adaptation of Shakespeare was written by drummer Neil Peart and sung by bassist/keyboardist/vocalist Geddy Lee.

The origin of the song is a speech from William Shakespeare’s play, As You Like It. Act II, Scene VII, features one of Shakespeare’s most famous monologues which begins:

All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts …

Though I love many of Shakespeare’s monologues, this one is best depicted as a song running through my head throughout my life since I first heard it on the Rush Moving Pictures album in 1981 when I was a teenage fan.

Theater as a metaphor for life is a concept I entertained when I was still in the single digits of life. I was one of those philosophical, geeky, 4-eyed kids who just couldn’t get into sports because my hands, eyes, arms, and legs didn’t know how to work in conjunction. I couldn’t do cartwheels, skip rope with others holding the end of the jump rope, or run fast. I barely scraped by in gym class.

I couldn’t sing on-key but that never stopped me from singing to myself. It still doesn’t.

I found myself on a stage in Theatre class in college where we did a session on Improv acting. A student director approached me afterward and told me I had a stage presence. He asked me to be in his play but I was too nervous to say yes.

I was afraid of making a mistake in delivering scripted lines. Imagine what might have become if I had gone beyond my fear.

I may have ended up on the right path a lot sooner.

I had jobs at the local Renaissance Faire where I could create a character and play act but that ended a while back. The last dozen or so years I’ve portrayed other facets of myself: a pirate chic named Red-Handed Ginny and a faerie queen called Queen Goo who doesn’t always show her wings.

I’m a silly person who enjoys playing different roles with friends. I often play Mario to my best friend’s Luigi where-a I talk with-a lousy Italian accent. In real life, I have a distinctive Sout’side (the “h” is silent) Chicago dialect that will not go away.

We all play various characters in the theatre of life: child, sibling, friend, parent, lover, student, teacher, employee, coworker, boss or fill-in-the-blank.

A lot of times we juggle roles.

In the 1965 animated Peanuts Christmas special, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Linus,  with his security blanket and profound philosophical nature, gives a narrative of the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke which ends with:

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men.

In the theatre of life, there are times when we are in the spotlight of center stage, on the side, backstage or in the audience.

There are people who always want to be the center of attention and demand that we give our attention to them. In our society, we make celebrities out of them, obsessing to no end about what they did or what they said. Some of them can be so ego-driven that they upstage everyone in their lives and may attack those who have a different perspective.

We call them drama queens in everyday life and tyrants in positions of power. They care more about themselves and their own interests than everyone else. In their world, everyone is the audience praising them or antagonists who vilify them. Their reality is warped because their ego is out of control.

We get sucked into their world. When we give them our attention, it feeds their egos. When we give them our attention, it takes away from us doing something wonderful for ourselves.

Getting hooked on their little reality show often makes us forget that we have the right to be center stage as well.

All of us have the right to tell our version of the story, to think for ourselves. We don’t have to believe what another says just because they said it.

When Linus got onstage, he spoke words of love, to which I say:

The ability to shine in the light
is available to all.
Spreading a message of peace
and goodwill uplifts everyone.

Imagine the world if we all actually lived the lessons of kindergarten: sharing, caring, kindness and respect.

Imagine the world if we all gave attention to our joy instead of our misery. Imagine if we stopped attacking those who are different from us. Imagine if our choices were made from a warm loving heart instead of a reactive hot head. Imagine if we listened more than we talked.

Do you ever wonder how our world change if we changed the play?

Always,
Alice Always

Do You Feel That You Have a Life Mission to Fulfill?

In The Blues Brothers movie, there is a scene when Jake and Elwood Blues (played onscreen by John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd) get in a car. Elwood comments, “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark… and we’re wearing sunglasses.” To which Joliet Jake says, “Hit it!”

Over the years, it is a scene that my sister and I have acted out countless times at the beginning of our road trips. We did this because partly because we lived in the Chicago area and our parents had moved to Wisconsin after our dad retired.

On our trips, one of us would invariably comment another famous line from the movie:

We’re on a mission from God.

All my life I have felt that I was here to do something. I honestly always believed that I was here on purpose, that I had a mission.

Always.

I also knew that I was not the only one that felt this way. It would take me decades before I found like-minded people. We were born back in dark ages when there were only 6 US TV channels: ABC, CBS, NBC, WGN, PBS and the UHF station, WFLD (which you had to adjust the rabbit ears antenna to get a good picture).

Like the limitations of our TV viewing, we had limitations in our knowledge of our mission. Some of us listened to what our souls told us to do and lived an authentic life of purpose. While others, like myself, wrestled with disillusion and tried to fit in and follow what others did.

It never feels right if you are living in someone else’s version of what life is all about. It may be their heaven, but it can be your hell.

I did what everyone else around me did: got a job, got married and bought a house.  It didn’t fulfill me. I kept telling myself I was happy, knowing deep down inside I was not.

Because I had a hard time hurting others, I stayed in an unfulfilling marriage for years. I couldn’t hurt my ex-husband by leaving but I made myself miserable by staying.

I told my shrink at the time, “It’s easier for me to be miserable than to make another person miserable.” He said, “Blatant honesty. Wow, I haven’t heard that one before.”

I wondered if he was being sarcastic or if no one had gone so deep into the depths into the study of their own pain to have an insight.

I got married in 1988. I knew the marriage was over in 1991, the year I had a spiritual awakening and began writing.

I quit my well-paying job December 31, 1999. In 2000, I got divorced and sold my house. I thought my life would get better.

It didn’t. But it’s all part of the journey.

One good thing is that I reconnected with the great love of my life, someone I had met briefly in the mid-nineties.

And I have to say it: If I had known know, what I knew then, I wouldn’t have done it this way.

So I ask again: Do you feel that you have a mission to fulfill? If so, are you doing it?

You will know that you fulfilling your mission when you are living a life on purpose, listening to your heart and following its promptings.

If you feel that you have a mission, but well, can’t remember what it is, keep reading my blog posts. You will remember what it is because I’m here to help you awaken to the beautiful soul that is you.

I am here to show that what Albert Einstein said is indeed true, that imagination is more important than reality.

Always,
Alice Always

Self-Love: The Most Important Gift that We Give to Ourselves

In my last post, I talked about gifts that we give can share with others, the things that make us unique. Today I’m talking about something that many of us have difficulty with: self-love.

There is a saying that you cannot love another person without loving yourself first. But I am capable of loving others, I know that. I have wonderful loving relationships with relatives and friends. And I genuinely feel a deep love for my boyfriend.

When it comes to loving myself, that is another story. Right now, I am constantly criticizing myself for what I consider my faults: indecisiveness, procrastination, making choices and later regretting them, and battling bouts of severe depression and anxiety which prevent me from doing so many things.

My thinking patterns have been chaotic of late and trying to move ahead with this blog has been rough. I have fears of rejection and fears of success created by issues of low self-esteem from childhood that I am still working through. As a result, I have been writing posts but not sharing them. Well, more like not finishing them because I get distracted so often.

I have had things happen in the last year that has set me back further than I ever expected. I thought by now I would be making progress but I feel like a turtle in a world of rapidly moving digitally-oriented people who thrive on the constant changes of the age.

I grew up in an age prior to the World Wide Web, though I have been using Macs as a graphic designer since the early days of Apple and Photoshop. Back then, when I made a change in Photoshop, I would have to wait a while for it to finish processing on the screen. I could go get a coffee and when I came back, the spinning ball of death had stopped.  Or at least I hoped. Boredom drove me crazy back them.

Now everything is instantaneous. There is no time for boredom. It’s nice but it reminds me of how fast time goes by and how much I still have to do.

Our lives are to teach us how to love. We create stories and judgments in our heads of how we think life should be and that does not serve us at all.

I am doing my best to let go of my self-criticisms and it is an ongoing process.

We can be so hard on ourselves, yet we can be more accepting when we see the same behaviors in others.

I have to comfort my little inner child many times a day that everything is alright. I often put my hands on my heart and tell that little one inside who is scared and frightened that she is safe and loved.

If you are going through a rough patch now and dealing with issues of self-love, you are not alone.

Place your hands over your heart and feel it beating. Breathe deeply and picture a golden light within your heart. Continue breathing deeply and feel the light expand outward. Feel its warmth.

That feeling is the love that is you.

Always,
Alice Always

Playing with Imagination and Where It Can Take Us (To Infinity and Beyond)

Let’s play Rorschach Test. You know, that fun psychological evaluation exercise where you are shown an inkblot picture and you get to decipher what you see in it? Before you read any further, look at the above picture and think about what it says to you.

This is an experiment because I don’t have any idea what people will see.

So go ahead. I’ll wait.

You can post in the comments what you thought if you’d like. I’d love to see what everyone has to say.

If you said that it looks like an air hockey game, that would be correct. But if you never had any knowledge of air hockey, you might not say that.

I was going to title this post “The Goal of this Blog” but that seemed so generic and I’m not a very generic kind of girl. When I think about the word “goal” the first image that comes to my mind is an old air hockey game from the 1970s. You might picture a goal chart, a mountain, your own personal goal, a star or something that is significant to you. I see air hockey, a game from my childhood.

As I said in my last post, I have this outrageous idea that through using our imagination, we can create a peaceful and loving world. It is outrageous to me because I am still working on personal issues such as self-love and self-worth. Maybe you are also.

Most of us have something in us that we need to overcome. Sometimes it is a limiting belief that has been handed down from our parents, who had it handed down from their parents. Maybe someone said something negative to us as a young child and we took it to heart. Our hearts need to be healed. Our inner children need to be healed.

I look at this blog as a social experiment to help myself and others restore our innocence through imagination and play, and to see where it takes us. Hopefully, it will go far, like Buzz Lightyear always says: To Infinity and Beyond!

It’s my sincere hope that I continue on on this path of healing and that you join me.

Always,
Alice Always

Please comment below if you see something different than an air hockey game. I’d love to hear about any different perceptions of this picture.

I’m On My Way, I Don’t Know Where I’m Going

I wake up and it’s a new month: May! What happened to April? It raced by like a road runner! Where is that adorable cartoon coyote when you need him? I had so much to do last month but I slept through most of it. This blog was originally planned last year for March 20, the Vernal Equinox, the first day of Spring. You know, that’s a good time to start something new. Everything is so pretty with all the pastel Easter egg colors. Also, marshmallow Peeps are available in a store near you. Now, if you happen to be reading this in Australia, things are a bit different from here in the good ol’ USA. You know, because you have koala bears and kangaroos and we do not. Not to mention it’s Autumn in the Southern Hemisphere.

But I digress. Get use to that phrase as digressing is to me what digesting is to a finished meal – it’s part of an endless cycle or as I like to say, a loop da loop, or with my lousy French accent: loop ze loop. (You may need to imagine an old Pink Panther movie with Inspector Clouseau, if you get my drift.) But I digress. Yet again! I have to tell you. I take digressing to a whole new level! If speaking was a spectator sport, I would win the Olympic Gold Medal of Digression. I could even teach a college course on it. Yes, I digress that much.

I also have a tendency to use words in ways that other people do and sometimes in ways that no one does. In another world, I played the role of a nonconformist English major. I rebelled against the Establishment and used “me and…” instead of “… and I” on a term paper. In my defense, I insisted that if Paul Simon could say “Me and Julio down by the schoolyard”, then I could too. Well, my English professor was not convinced and gave me an extremely low grade. I wonder if e.e. cummings got an F- for not using capital letters.

They have such silly rules in the English language, I don’t know how a non-native English speaker trying to learn the language could possibly master it. I mean, the language itself is constantly evolving. When I was a kid, yeah, back when “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard” was a song played in rotation on radio stations across America, people wore thongs, not flip-flops, on their feet. Now, people wear flip-flops on their feet and thongs as underwears. Yep, I said underwears with a ‘s’ at the end. Get used to it. I like to play with words.

Maybe I should get around to telling you why I’m writing a blog. Well, I have this outrageous idea that through using our imagination, we can create a peaceful and loving world. I intend to explore various topics such as creativity and reality in a playful manner that expresses my personality. Hopefully, I’ll make some sense or a great deal of nonsense. I want to inspire people and show them how to use their imagination to transform themselves and in doing so, help to transform the world into a joyful place.

As Alice, I bring the sense wonder that is Wonderland to this reality. I may ask you to participate on projects or make up your own. Together we can make a difference while having a lot of fun.

Always,
Alice Always