Tag: depression

Invictus: A Powerful Poem to Help You Through Difficult Times

“Invictus” is a poem by William Ernest Henley that was published in 1875. It reads:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus - Old Parchment Design by Ginny Gaura
Invictus – Old Parchment Design by Ginny Gaura

The poet invites the reader to feel empowered. When I read this, I get the image of a captain steering his ship through a terrible storm at sea. It is his sheer determination that will get through him through the ordeal. He does not bow down to fear but stands steadfast and strong. The narrator acknowledges the hardships of life and tells the world that he is in control.

Is life a challenge for you right now? Are you in control?

Control is not about trying to manipulate the situation in ways that are not in alignment with your soul. Being in control means that you let go of identification with the negative emotions about your situation; you let go of your ego-self.

You can’t control the external situation; you can only control your response to it.

Yes, it’s OK to feel temporary anger or sadness but when you continually dwell on things, it only makes them worse because it plays out as negative thoughts in your head. Maybe even over and over like a broken record.

Guilt and blame are two emotions that surface in times of extreme difficulty. It is the ego rearing its head.

Whatever happened in your life cannot be undone. The problem won’t be solved by you feeling bad or wracked with guilt because you think that you could have done something differently in the past. That will only keep you dwelling on the problem. Again, the broken record scenario.

Perhaps what is occurring right now is necessary for your soul’s growth. Maybe there is a larger picture that you cannot see.

Are you blaming someone else for something that happened? The other person may be totally unaffected by what is happening inside of you. By forgiving them, you release your own internal suffering. You lighten your own load.

I wrote a blog post about the Dark Night of the Soul, which I am currently experiencing. For me, I recently went through a string of negative experiences: my income diminished, I was in a car accident where my car was totaled and widespread arthritis and pain are taking its toll on my body.

Depression from the situation and lack of sunlight adds to all of this. Anyone who has ever experienced it can tell you that when you are depressed, you cannot think clearly. So even writing this blog post took enormous effort.

It has been a challenge emotionally to maintain faith that it will all work out. But I have to believe it will.

I am determined to get through all of it. It may take a while, but I am going to do whatever it takes to get to a better place. The storm is temporary.

Like the captain of the poem, Invictus, and just like you, I have to focus on getting through the difficult times to the smooth seas beyond.

The last two lines are a powerful declaration:

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

Whatever you say following the words “I am” become your reality. If you make a statement that is in conflict with your subconscious thinking, it will create disharmony within yourself.

During his incarceration, Nelson Mandela recited the poem to other prisoners. He was empowered by its message of self-mastery. His transition from this world inspired me to create digital designs of the poem.

The featured Invictus design above is one of my best-selling prints. It is a popular poem and people buy it for themselves as well as gifts for loved ones going through any kind of adversity.

I created the designs, just like I created this blog, out of love. For me personally, inspirational poetry and other writings help get me through difficult times. I keep going on though so many times I have wanted to give into the pain and just end it all. But I haven’t ended it because I know that I came here on a mission and I am not finished.

If you are encountering a difficult time, I pray that you have the strength to get through whatever ordeal that you are currently experiencing. But more importantly, you yourself have to believe that you will get through it.

Remember, this too shall pass.

Watch what you think and say without judgment. If you catch yourself in a negative thought like “I am not good enough” turn it around and declare the opposite out loud. Reaffirm what empowers you, not what brings you down.

Release your suffering by focusing on what you are grateful for here and now. Allow yourself to see the silver lining in the midst of the clouds.

If you feel isolated and alone, reach out to someone. You are not the only one who has your problem, though it may feel like it. Sometimes just being able to talk to another person makes all the difference in the world.

When you feel overwhelmed, place your hands over your heart and breathe. It will connect you back to your center, which is your heart.

Always,
Alice Always

P.S. Having an inspirational print nearby may help you or a loved one. Please check out my Invictus Gallery on Fine Art America. Items can be purchased as prints, greeting cards and more.

Invictus Designs by Ginny Gaura
Invictus inspired designs by Ginny Gaura

Illuminating the Dark Night of the Soul

“Dark Night of the Soul”, otherwise known as “Dark Night” is a poem written by the 16th Century Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross. He writes of the journey of the soul from isolation to its union with God. The journey itself is “The Dark Night”, darkness representing the difficulties the soul meets in detachment from the world before reaching the light. Once the soul touches the light, union with the divine takes place and the person is transformed.

Loreena McKennitt has a beautiful rendition of it in song. You can watch her  here.

A dark night of the soul has come to mean a spiritual crisis when life has lost its meaning and the person has sunk into depression and despair.

Some people experience many dark nights of the soul while others may have a prolonged one lasting many years.

I myself have had many dark nights starting at age 13. Puberty is a difficult time for most of us. In my case, my friends had drifted away and gravitated to new groups. I was alone, desperately alone.

Making new friends was difficult because I was an extreme introvert. I didn’t know what to say because I never could do the whole chit-chat thing. I still can’t. It is simply not part of my personality. Deep conversations interest me more.

Back in the summer when I was 13, I was lonely for companionship. My depression had reached the point where the only thing I could think of was suicide to end the misery.

My only solace was Led Zeppelin‘s Physical Graffiti double album which I had received as a present for my birthday. I had asked for the album that had Stairway to Heaven on it but it was April 1975 and Physical Graffiti had just come out 2 months before. That was the only Zeppelin album in stock at the local department store.

Back in the pre-internet age, information like names of albums and where you could purchase them was not readily available for a young teenager.

If you grew up with the internet, you might not be able to fathom not having all the information you need at your fingertips. But back then, the main use for your forefinger was to dial the phone. It was actually fun to leave your finger in the cutout circle of the dial and let it move back on the return rewind. At least I enjoyed it. But now, having arthritic fingers, I am grateful for technology.

This was also the time before the popularity of antidepressants when depression was not talked about. When I finally told my mom that I was suffering from it in 1989, her response was to deny there was anything wrong with me. The stigma of depression was still strong, even with the introduction of the drug Prozac.

Back to Physical Graffiti, it literally saved my life. The song Kashmir stirred forgotten memories of sitting with elders of a gentle race, which in my imagination actually happened.

10 Years Gone reminded me that “We are eagles of one nest, the nest is in our soul.”

But it was In the Light that saved me. I would listen to it repeatedly under headphones on my older brother’s stereo.

To me, the beginning of In the Light feels what a sunrise would sound like. It gave me hope. The ending is pure exhilaration.

One of the lyrics puzzled me. What I thought I heard was: I would share your love. What Robert Plant actually sang was: I would share your load. It makes quite a difference.

One of the lyrics that I really identified with is:

And if you feel that you can’t go on
And your will’s sinkin’ low
Just believe and you can’t go wrong
In the light, you will find the road (You will find the road)

I would close my eyes and envisioned I was standing in the light. It felt uplifting on one level. On another, felt I was connecting to something more. Something I could not grasp, a notion that felt just out of reach.

I realize now that listening to the song back then was an integral part of the larger story of my life. That getting through that difficult time enabled me to write about it and share it with you now.

There is a deeper, more mystical revelation that came out of this. I will go into further detail at another time.

The road in the song reminded me of J.R.R. Tolkien. If you haven’t read them yet, I wrote a few posts about him here and here. There is more forthcoming also.

Many of Led Zeppelin’s lyrics contain Tolkien references. The author has several passages in The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings that feature the Road. Here is one:

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

I read that verse often, thinking that I needed to hold on and continue down that road not knowing where it would go, but perhaps somewhere where I needed to be.

Are you suffering from the Dark Night of the Soul right now? If so, you can get through it. You must believe that you can and you will. You will find the road.

It needn’t be through Tolkien or Led Zeppelin but what calls out to your soul.

Music heals. Stories help us to see ourselves in them.

Listen. Read. Sing. Dance.
Go out in nature.
Play.

Do something that you love,
something that uplifts your soul
and connects you with the divine within you.

Lighten the load of depression and despair. Find the way that lightens yours. As Robert Plant sang: Everybody needs the light.

You will get through it. You must have the determination and resolve to do so. Believe that you can and you will.

Often in the spiritual awakening process, a dark night of the soul precedes a breakthrough. Remember, the night is darkest just before the dawn.

Always,
Alice Always

P.S. This blog post features Invictus, an empowering poem that might help you through the Dark Night of the Soul.

The Shadow, Instant Karma and Thoughts of Suicide

We all have a shadow, the dark part of ourselves that we sometimes deny or project on others. It comes out in times when we are triggered, in fear or feel separated from everyone and everything.

But the truth is that we are all in this together. Anyone who tells you differently is living in their own shadow. Anyone who thinks that they are more important than others is merely deluding themselves.

On the flip side, anyone who feels low and insignificant is also living in their personal shadow.

Each one of us matters. Every single one of us.

It has been said that something as seemingly insignificant as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can ultimately cause a typhoon on the other side of the world. This is because everything is connected.

But then, you know that already. You might even call it the Internet.

My personal shadow has been a lifelong battle with depression. But I made a promise before I was born to get through this and shine as much light as I can. That’s why I started writing this blog.

My journey in this lifetime has taken me to the depths of despair far too many times.

My life has been a struggle for most of it. I live too much in my head trying to find solutions to my problems, many of which are money related. Whenever I put those solutions into action, they never turn out how I expected. In fact, many choices that I made with my head have made the situation worse.

My financial problems had gone from bad to worse. I wasn’t getting enough work at my job to support myself and last month my online sales were the lowest they have been in December. I usually make enough in the holiday season to get me through a few months but despite all my marketing, I lost money.

I was at my lowest point I’ve ever been.

Last Wednesday night, I sat in my car as I contemplated suicide.  I was going to leave the car running in the garage and attempt to kill myself from carbon monoxide poisoning. I didn’t because I thought that maybe the poison could leak into my neighbor’s condo unit.

The next day, I totaled my car.

It was a freak accident that was caused because of my thoughts and actions. The front of my little Ford Focus went underneath the bumper of a giant Hummer. That vehicle was left with a few scratches. My hood bent in two and was pushed into the windshield.

I didn’t die. I walked away from the accident.

I’ll get through this rough patch. I have to. My inner guidance tells me that if I take my life, I will set things back for myself and end up reincarnating in a much more difficult life.

What we don’t overcome, we are forced to repeat.

We need to embrace our shadow and love it. And to do that, we have to live from the heart. We have to be careful what we think and say because like John Lennon sang, Instant Karma‘s gonna get you, gonna knock you right in the head.

It got me. It changed my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen. The only thing I know is that I have to make it through this.

Maybe you are in a dark place also. Maybe something that I write will help in your life. Maybe we all need to get through the darkness together.

I am here to serve humanity. We are all pieces of a puzzle of life.  What if I am a piece of your personal puzzle? What if you and I had decided before we were born that we would connect our puzzle pieces to create a new, wonderful world? Ending my life would never allow that to happen.

Some of the things that I am planning to write in the future have never been written before. I know that I hold an important piece of the cosmic puzzle about imagination. I am not saying this to be elitist. I am merely speaking what I know, from my own heart and soul.

Yesterday, on a walk in nature, my beloved and I saw a young bald eagle. He later asked me to read about what eagle stood for in terms of Animal Spirit Medicine. I read the passage from Ted Andrew‘s Animal-Speak book.

I cried through the entire last paragraph:

To align yourself with eagle medicine is to take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. From a karmic aspect, it reflects that the events will now fly faster, and the repercussions for everything you think, do or say (or fail to think do or say)–positive and negative–will be both stronger and quicker. To accept the eagle as a totem is to accept a powerful new dimension to life, and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. But only through doing so do you learn how to move between worlds, touch all life with healing, and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative force within the world. 

It reminded me that I have a mission to fulfill and I cannot leave until it’s finished.

So, until then, I’m gonna shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun.

Always,
Alice Always

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